What if...

My brother, Jeremy used to say "wahf?" all of the time which in translated to mean "what if" I think Gavin might give him a run for his money on that one though. "Mom? what if it stated raining lava on us right now?" I suppose we would die. Dare I wonder why he asked?

Gavin says, "Hahn!" all of the time, it means "Hold on", but I was thinking a what if of my own, not strange contractions though that is what came out when I started typing.

My question is "What if people knew what I was really thinking?" I have to think about how to lead others to believe that I am even really about what I pretend to be about. To me, that is what relationships are about, seriously only one person knows the things I really think, and even they don"t really know the whole of it. But, there is a peace that comes from being able to have honest communication with another.

I was always a bit of a lone wolf through school because I figured that no one would really comprehend what I'm talking about anyway, so why waste my time. So, then I married a Mormon thinking that I would be able to speak in my own vernacular and be understood, but he was a recent convert and didn't have as firm grasp on things, so then I met Nicholas who was one of those "Utah m
Mormons all of his life" and I figured that he would "get me." Well, he's got me, but doesn't really come close to communicating with me.

But, you know what? I do not think I get myself most of the time, either. If someone else understood me they would have to translate back so that I could understand. For instance, I found a code I had written in another language. It was then ciphered into hex, etc. I vaguely recall thinking something and then thinking that it should not be written down, so it was recorded in some strange language that was then translated two additional times.

Well, with time I am much stupider. I just don't get it. I often read things or remember things that I said that I haven't even figured out yet, or am just now "getting it". So much for "things get better with age." I suppose that would work if I were cheese or wine or something.

So what if someone actually understood what I was thinking? Well, my smart witted answer is, "then I wouldn't have to tell them."