My biggest deception has been the lie I have constantly told myself, in hopes of prtecting myself. The very thing I placed as a wall has become something else And what it has effectively done hass kept me from getting any help.
It was illustrated best in a stargate Atlantis episode where Dr. McKay puts on a shield using his newly aquired "ancient" DNA. Everyone thinks it is so cool and they all covet this device thinking how wonderful it would be to be invincible, but, it also threatens to kill him because among the things whiich cannot cross the barrier is sustainance. Now, I could go an entirely different direction with this thought because it was funny to me that the only thing he actually tried to digest was coffee, which perhaps the ancients saw as harmful and were protecting him. It's a whole lot like iRobot where the machines do nothing but exactly what they were intended to do "protect humans" the touble is that so many have different ideas about what this entails.
See? my next thought, which I'll save for later was about how difficult parenting is because we get married to someone we are attracted to with no thought about who they are or how they will go abut raising the "ideal child".
Ok, this circles back to my original unconcluded thought. I did not marry because I was attracted to someone, it was more or less because I was programed to do such. Afterall, "It's not good to be alone."
My greatest deception which requires much analizing is that I have been telling myself that my situation is somehow unique and unlike any other so that makes me an exception, not the rule itself, placing myself in new territory.
No one has ecxperienced what I have (which technically is true for anyone) and no one else has the solution that I desperately need (which is the lie). But, I aready explained that I do not have the time to ponder on that right now. Infact, I have used all of my time typing this...
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