So much for Ambiance

I wanted to jot down and record my thoughts, and I had to pause the music which I have heard a billion times, but still, it might make me think of new things and thus forget what I originally thought. I suppose that is a trouble with age, dropping and loosing thoughts mid-  Anyhow, I used to be very upset at turmoil that happened, assuming that I was responsible somehow, So revisiting professor Pangloss was helpful and hopeful. though originally, his logic was pure stupidity to me, and the results of such causal observances through Candide's life was so ridiculous he was humorous. but, now, with a different perspective, one less critical, myself I started to consider how at the onset of such ideas of determinism, the world was in commotion and there was a scene from a cartoon about Joseph Smith where a preacher explains to a simple congregation that life was more or less pointless because from birth all actions are but a reaction playing out and web had no actual choices whatsoever, and Joseph joked with his brothers how ridiculous it sounded, and as a child it was silly to me, too. The notion was as funny as the idea that noses were perfectly suited for glasses and so we have glasses. Ok, maybe not quite as funny, but still easy to see how preposterous such a notion is. Likewise, I thought it is foolish to have ever even considered that Things happened a certain way to ruin what may have seemed like happy lives, simply because I secretly wished it, indirectly....um, like how a butterfly flapping it's wings somewhere causes a hurricane elsewhere. Every person, regardless hoe they appear to be are the ABSOLTELY most miserable creatures ever in their own eyes. There is a scene from the movie "Tess" where Tess escapes a terrible situation and feels thankful to be liberated, but a friend comments, "It's out of the frying pan into the fire." the consequence of her choice to escape that situation led to pretty much all the miseries of her tale.

What is on my mind is the contrast of the the two stories of Alma and his people vs Limhi and his people. I used to confuse the two people to be the same  and never had a teacher actually explaining it to me, so as I sped through that middle section I just decided they were the same people, anyway... One group tried to fix everything themselves, and that seems to be what Tess was trying to do, to avoid "Pain". I understand the purpose of pain, through the words of C.S.Lewis, to not necessarily be the problem we need to resolve, but an opportunity to realize our own dependence on a creator. The people of Limhi, recognized their failures and repented, but God was slow to answer them. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....

Alma's people were given as many persecutions, cause no one is excused from being the most miserable ever, even if God loves them. In fact he always chastens them! So, they had burdens, but did not seek out a solution, but instead used their faith as their action of choice, and though the cause of their pain was not removed they were strengthened and able to bear it. Likewise,  I made no one miserable, and any misery I endure could actually be a result or as we say "a blessing" as a result of the thing I desire most. I used to laugh at the whole what seemed to me to be a doctrine of Masochism, where we are happy at the greater the trial because it means a greater blessing. A common and favorite joke was about how, oh I cannot recall, it was a meme where one was bragging that they were more miserable so they were going to have the prettiest wife. Naturally, I thought, hmm does that mean that if you have an ugly spouse/child then, you did not deserve "better", ok, it is obvious how ridiculous so much of those ideas are. like everything that attracts, there is truth in there, but it was been so perverted that it is ridiculous, I guess the same is true about the news.

ok, enough words have been issued from my fingertips for now. It is time to make dinner and stuff like that.

Addendum: I never found av way to work in the other prevelant idea that was presented in a tv show "The Last Kingdom" where a pagan works magic (something misunderstood is called magic) to preserve a dying baby, but doing so causes her many tears because of the random stranger's baby that in place must die. Later the Hero finds his dead infant son and she mourns as much as he does because of his pain, which she feels like she caused.