The oddest things have transpired I still need some cushion in the form of time to weigh and consider it all. My first most sure revelations which I am no longer afraid of disclosing:of all things, my family matters most. No question about that ever. And I am not sure of how much time I have wasted and how much I have left, but I simply cannot leave any stone unturned when it comes to being sealed.
I was going to leave for home as soon as school was out. But then, today a thing happened that made me rerealize where I was actually needed, but why I need time is because I know enough to know that at times me have to seem to do the opposite of what seems to be an obvious choice to reach our long term goals.
So, like I said, I have a whole lot to weigh out. But like most of my mental training suggests to me in games like Go or chess, though my end game is clear my strategy is weak. On lumosity i play a pirate navigation game where I know that I could accomplish my goal but mental fatigue after a few moves/consequences are weighed I give up knowing the right move will be revealed but I will loose...so what, huh?
The most amazing thing happened at the grocery store. As I was preparing to shop I asked myself a purely rhetorical question. And my instinct answer to myself made me giggle. I had an actual chemical/brain reward sensation. But, then I sensored my response to be more sensible and as I entered the store the song was playing " what hurt the most was being so close and having so much to say..." and I laughed at myself again cause I actually did have so much to say (cue Somewhere in Time monologue https://youtu.be/c87niQNda-o ) but, admitedly I would neither say or do anything. This explained the dichotomy of my person. I need to figure out who the heck I am.and what I want without always having time to consider while considering my life results that I am forced to regret came from obeying instant desires.
https://youtu.be/7qH4qyi1-Ys
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