Suppose...

I do not have the time to think this now, but I hope to return to this thought at a later date.

If I was willing to entertain the thought that there was no Christ then I would have no answer to mamy questions and why would mankind have created such a fictious complete with supporting testimonial books beyond scripture that speak plainly of him. Also, There is the overwhelming feeling that is practically undeniable.I would need a verrrry good explination of that. The inspiration of beautiful art through put all time as well as science and love... But, I am pressed for time and cannot spare a moment to consider that. I keep thinking, well look at the Greeks and Romans or all the Norse gods and folktales they seem obviously "out there" Till They Have Faces, huh? Not real to me, so what?

Parable of the sower

I was wondering if all of the parables (of Jesus Christ) have less obvious implications and that is how I realized how dreadful my situation is.

Ok, song time! "Faith is like a little seed. If planted it will grow..." Often, I use this to determine if a gospel principle is as we say true. You live the principle and by the fruits that are reaped one can see the good of it, and the apostle Paul taught that every good thing comes from God. My concern is how to judge a thing good or bad. It has been taught that if a thing inviteth to do good it is good. Well, that is rather cyclical. If a thing inviteth and enticeth then it motivates so what it motivates to a thing it is a thing. So, if I called the thing good by recognizing what it motivated me to do. I choose the gospel as the starting point. Whatever it motivates is my definition of Good then. Ok. Now keep that in mind and now apply it to my life choices which result or reaping I do not see as good and it is what would be most desirable to meand that has lead or motivated me at all times not paying attention to what has been extremely obvious to nearly anyone else. It is not as if I have been clueless or anything. I had always been taught that we struggle and it is rewarded, so the more difficult a thing is and the more preserverence is needed it follows that the pay off will be greater, so I focused on ignoring a hardship after another that would have seemed ridiculous to almost any other human. And just when I feel like I could not take anymore and decide that no reward could be worth it I would tecite mantras about how the only difference between failure and success is that one more moment was endured than before. I had surely endured more than anyone had before or anyone even imagined anyone would, and I realized that my son would one day have the priesthood power needed to restore my life to one I felt was competent.

Really, my life has not accomplished any of the things that seemed definite in my early years. Last night I told my children how important it is to have a good center of balance before you exercise because you do no want to build your muscles compensating for that. I have purposefully avoided doing things until I could do them right because I planned to live a long life and did not want to get accustomed to being disabled.

I got side-tracked. Urrrgh!

So, if the results indicate truth or goodness, I married a utah Mormon boy who has never even mentioned being sealed. He has not progressed in the preisthood, not desired to go to the temple or get a pat. blessing. I would have to say that that seed is not a good one, or I would have entirely diffirent consequences right now. I need to thinka bit more about this all.

Isabel Linton

I was listening to a song by Reo Speedwagon "Keep on Loving You" where it was saying that you should have known by the .... But you didn't listen and I suspect it is a popular archetype who hasn't heard the phrase that "Love is blind" and who epitomizes that more than Isabel Linton. If you are scratching your head thinking who the heck is Isabel Linton, never fear I will remind you.

In the story of "WutheringHeights" the center stage of your thoughts are consumed by the extreme love of Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff and then perhaps the love triangle created by the introduction of one Edgar Linton. Well, he has a sister who Heathcliff also decides to try that whole marriage thing out on someone and it is Isabel Linton who keeps on loving Heathcliff despite warnings. It is curious that Isabel and Heathcliff's daughter ends up looking almost exactly like Catherine Earnshaw who is in no way a blood relative of this girl. Although Heathcliff is an adopted brother and Isabel a sister-in-law.

Another point of interest that I will toss in here with love and it's blindness. I wrote a poem that asked "what is beauty to the blind?" Rhyming,ofcourse, I ask further "when they seek what do they find?" Yesterday I read about a study that was groundbreakingly, though questionable ethically. Somehow I had never even heard of it. A man had every sensation shut off via his CNS and brain and it was wondered if this person could still kniw or sense things from God.... Ooooh time to jet.

Big picture

It is a fun game to debate with oneself on issues like the raft scenario where one needs to argue their worth, or tge ethocal debates about a speeding train full of people needinhg to be diveeted but someone is on the track. But, this is not that. Instead, I played a game with myself imagining the values of things or pepple when they were not the main character or person of interest. It all ended by me imagining the truth of being the only truly central character and no one else made any choices of relative interest.

Suppose nothing else mattered by what you thought or did, like the "Truman Show" and everyone else was aware of their value and the role they each played in solving issues. And every person seen was placed before you and intend4d for a reaction.

Love

Quickly, love is not a physical thing, I don't think. That was a gift for love that existed all along.

The thought was much longer if you want to think more along these lines think about the movie Manaquin for a while.

It crossed my mind

I wish I had writter's block sometimes.

Coincidences missed

I realized and wanted to nite thethought that removing all the unexplained evidence from my life makes me unhappy and that perhaps not being able to explain the million and one little coincidences makes my life feel better. Sure, I realize that it may have been extremely deluded but, I prefer it that way. My little life descision comes from the results of only acknowledging the things I can explain. The best way to examine it it through a stargate atlantis episode where the SGA team asks a boy who is preparing for a suicide because of his age if it is worth it for him to never live longer than 25.The team explains just a few of the grandest moments of life that occurr after the age of 25. The boy thinks then explains that it is better to live a shorter life if it means one without the fear of being attacked by life-sucking alliens. The premise is that if they do not livebeyond the age of 25 they will never be of interest to the attackers.

In the end the belief was found to be false, but the truth remains that a certain type seems better than a longer life. Likewise, I found that a life of hope is likely ignorant but ignorance is bliss and I choose happiness and magicalness over rejecting what I do not comprehend. As analgebra teacher explained, "the more we learn the more ignorant we become."

Particles again

I have been thinking again layely about why I have so mamy opinions about things that I could not possibly understand anyway...well not the way experts in such fields explain them.

It always comes back to my notions of creation and forces and building blocks. I love ideas when they match my preconcieved ones, but where the heck do they come from?

I argue with brilliant philosophers and mathmaticians about theories I could not even begin to understand as they do and tonight it occurred to me why that is.

I am in a sense untethered to, as my husband put it as he explained core math solutions to my son. My husband spoke of thinking outside the box, which I chose to refer to as untethered. The great thinkers weave grand, fine, complicated weaves that like a spider's web are sticky and intended to trap. Most great thinkers waste time arguing about the impracticalities that can only be understood through accepting other impracticalities.

As an aside, in college I was very upset that I did not understand well enough to use the jargon to communicate false theories in my evolutionary biology and astronomy classes (ahich were all electives for a music major). So, I went to the library to check out Newton's Principea and ended up not understanding a bit of it. The book was lovely and old, but entirely in Latin and mathmatics. Although, I adored mathmatics it must be a universal language (like one used on SG-1). If I understood it I could draw complex equations on chalkboards and. Solve complex problem by quantifying them (which I felt was what John Nash could do in the movie A Beautiful Mind).

Ok, come back here to my point. I do not speak mathmatics, and I think that gives me an actual advantage. As I was laid off from a technical field position at Boeing my boss explained that I was not being let go because I seemed to lack technical expertise because that was actually why I had been hired. He explained that my job was one where comminication was more important that being an outward brainiac aka nerd. He said that opposed to the many recently graduated tech gurus knew it all and acted accordingly. It was my humility and approachability that solved problems. Cause frankly, more issues ran deeper than a misfunctioning device. And from surveys of past customers I was doing a far better job. I obviously knew my business but often what was needed was someone to explain what was wrong in a way that was understood by the end users not wow them or make them feel too stuipid to use the equipment.

So, I feel like I am able to delve into deeper issues because I am not a know it all. I am not tripped up by squabbles that grand theories and infrastructures have made. My theories are not based on complex math or such, to me they are simple truths.

Hah! My dad once said something profound about his algebra teacher (and I noticed my music theory teachers doing it, too). He said that they like to make it seem like what they understand is so profound and mysterious that you will need to come to them for help when actually it is ashamedly simple. A good teacher is like C.S.Lewis in the movie Shadowlands giving easy answers for life's difficult problems.

So back to the Atom. I do not even know the proper jargon to explain what holds it together, nor am I in any way qualified to explain spacetime or how heavenly bodies move in orbits but I do undeniably know that whatever principle can be measured and understood through studying one will tell about the other.