Again, With Feeling!

Ok, Yes, this wisdom was stirred up due to the influence of a song by Regina Spektor:

So, if you know me at all it goes without saying that I am Mormon or Latter-day Saint, but in case you were not aware for some reason, I am LDS and we have a prophet who speaks with God directly, and recently we had a general conference where the mouthpiece of God speaks directly to his people (Mormons). It has been said of such a gathering that one gets out of it what one puts into it. That seems sort of "Emporer's New Clothes"ish to me, but it is undeniably true. It is also true for every meeting that one attends looking for meaning.

     I recently decided that this must be true for temple attendance(worship) as well, and I have heard of great experiences orhers have had at the temple where the "veil" was so thin that they knew of others who had passed on were present. I resented it a bit that although I have (pardon the phrase) religiously attended the temple but have had no such manifestation. I honestly figured that it was simply a matter of doing work for others who had no need and if I found one who did I would feel their appreciation. That has never been my motivation, though. One time, a gentleman told a story about an experience that he had that shook me up and my conclusions were that he must be  sucha special manto be entrusted with that sort of experience! I thought, "this is the most current referrence I have that if true, God truly does exist and visit his temples, and genuinely love and care for all of his children." 

    So, next pondering follows that if I had not had such an experience it was because I had not been sufficiently prepared. I have a short anecdote to share. A bishop's wife in Gallatin, TN told of a super cool experience that she had, I believe it was while she attended BYU. I'm not sure. I only recall that it was in an apartment complex. She told me the story close to 20 years ago. She told me that There had been a challenge issued to pray for missionary experiences or something, whichshe sort of had exempted herself from previously, but she decided that if there really was truth to it, then she would give it a serious try. mind you, she did not really expect anything to come of it. Still, she put the effort into it. she prepared and prayed, but nothing seemed to be God at work in her life; however, there was this one dude at a party that she liked, seemed totally unrelated, and as they grew closer their conversations deepened to cover things like faith, and she gave him a copy of the Book of Mormon, um from what I know about Utah it seems less likely that this would have taken place at BYU housing, because this guy was not familiar with Mormonism. When she gave the book she prayed quite hard because this could really be the missionary opportunity that she was seeking. Story ends that he joined the church and they get married and years later he is my bishop!

So, perhaps, I am missing all of the incredible spritiual events that I could be feasting on but am oblivious to because I am waiting for the proverbial frying pan to smack me in the face!  I have a pretty remarkable experience to tell of, actually, they flood in, but I have not the time to record them all!

our visiting teacher bore testimony at church and to us personally, that he believes one rerason that his daughter (non communicative Autism)cannot speak is because if she was able to tell us the things that she sees that we do not we would no longer need faith. He spoke of situations where it was obvious that she was beholding spirits that could not be seen, particularly of deceased progenitors. This same daughter and other non verbal children always get so excited and come give me hugs, which one could easily just say they are such loving individuals! and think it is likely rare they find someone who is perfectly accepting of such communication, but in lieu of what her farther said, maybe there is more that I do not "behold" because I am not sufficiently prepared for such. It is worth thinking about more...

Ooopsie doodles

I honestly meant to accomplish different things today, and actually the day isn't over, but I am at last too ill to accomplish anything, it is only Tuesday, perhaps if I rest I will feel better enough to get everything plus done later, I hate procrastinating anything because I could get worse, but I really doubt it, much worse would be death, and I would not be able to accomplish anything whereas if I rest I ought to be able to accomplish something less than I intended, but that has a way of working out...we'll see.

I should put this electronic device away or else I will not rest of that I am sure.

Um, It is a huge paradox, what that I am still typing, ooopsie! No. That I always feel so loved that I failed to notice how unloved I have been.  I seriously have no doubt what so ever that I have been carefully tutored and cared for. I also know that it was no mistake that I was born to my particular parents.

Ok getting sleepy, just dreamt of a crochet pattern for Joseph. He asked me to make a gift for his teacher for teacher appreciation and I bought yarn but as of yet had not particular design in mind. I got it, now.

Test

I have an idea for a test. Having been familiarized with the story of Enos, I previously decided that if one approached Heavenly Father in a like manner could recieve a full remission of his sins. This easter, that became more important. I realize that in order to achieve the desires of my heart I must first repent fully, and so my test is to find a way, fasting and prayer has been already given to increase the "priority" someone called it prayer on steriods. I am going to use a day during spring break to pray all day if possible.

Note: previously, when I tried to pray sincerely to Heavenly Father by locking myself in the bathroom, and the children still banged on the door, requesting admittance. And, I simply cannot deny the wishes of my children and hypocritally beg my father in Heaven for a thing. So, I probably need to inform them of my design. I thought of the temple as a place of refuge and bedtime, outside seems pretty solitary, only I am ill and it is cold at night.

But, as I consider doing this, I am always encouraged! I remember a few other situations when alone I was able to pray sincerely and communicate with Heaven and I had absolutely no doubt of things regardless of how true they logically seemed like not going on a mission when I was already preparing to do so, and it was not even my intent to find out if I SHOULD  go. Another time, I was in a refridgerated produce locker at pizza hut when I instantly thought, I'd really like to see this one aquaintance again, whom I figured that I would never see again. When I exited, I was asked if I would like anything from another resturaunt in Corinth, MS that we were doing a food exchange with, my old friend worked there. A simple thing, yeah. Easy to dismiss, but excitely I told LeAnne about the whole thing and the rest is history.

nice?

nice.

now in plain text it is hard to ascertain what I mean, so I will add that it means many things, but in my mind it sounds a way that when spoken is taken as sarcarstic. It was saoid in response to a cryptic message, I thought, "Nice." because it reminds me of how we were warned in a stake meeting not to let young women confess to us as leaders, they feel relieved cause they told someone and they may likely never remember it anymore, so it would not prick their heart to truly repent by confessing to one who is actually a judge of such infraction and able to truly grant forgiveness, and as I understood it, they would notproperly understand the atonement because they would assume they had experienced the peace that comes as a result of repenting, but they had not. That is how it seemed to me to tell someone a heart-felt thing in someone else's words. sure, the person knows and you sort of told, but not really, andso you did the difficult task without actually doing anything, nice.

Bummer

I weote a most thoughtful and profound post yesterday that appears nowhere. Sorry. And now, I forgot what I was going to say, but I do recall another thought so not all is lost... oh, oh,  it was about the ressurrection.

I may not understand the ressurrection or appreciate it yet, but as time changes my necessary experience I will at some point rely on the thing that I take for granted now, which us, an unshakable belief that I will live again after this life ends. All eras and epochs seem hard to bid farwell, but they all leave, but I remain. I love having a body and expect to keep it forever, strange to consider it only a vessel right now, I consider it me, but it is not, for I will never die and because of Jesus, I will be ressurrected, which again, I likely do not appreciate or understand, but What I do understand is what is the part that is necessary to believe everything else that I accept as true.