I bet it took God a while to become merciful towards his children cause he was expecting obedience. Or, as mortal parenthood conditions even the sweetest of spirits to lash out at constant bad behavior.
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I am feeling manipulated, odd. But, I am noticing several ideas that had no origin until now. They are very good ideas, just wondered what created them. Even having them made me feel such depth of character that would require drawing from a much different pool of experience, and so it appeared to others. We have all heard the comment of how someone displayed an attribute that seemed beyond their sphere. The most popular phrase that comes to mind is "from the mouth of babes." I always knew things that were only just being discovered by great scientists and philosophers. I just figured it was common for a Mormon child. My philosophy instructor, in college, inquired how I had such a deep understanding of things. To him it was obvious. I just said, "It is cause I am Mormon." He inquired further, so I explained that with so much opposition I had to know what I believed and why.
But, then, one day in the hall at church, I was 40, and surrounded by LDS Scholars, a woman said, " how do you know so much?" She said that it was like I had a surpassing the norm understanding of everything. So, I thought about it for a long while. I decided that it was my parents who taught me everything in FHE when it seemed that I wasn't paying attention or old enough. I also. Used to listen to my parents discuss things, very deep and intellectual things when they tjought no one was listening. But, this is different. It comes in waves of concentration, I doubt I could endure a long term exposure to such ideas. It is alot like actually swimming in a deep pool.
For a stress and rescue class in SCUBA my teacher had us swim underwater the length of the pool without our air tanks, like it was a race them, we were to return and put them on. My teacher took liberty to remove our regulators so when we swam back, most panicked the and darted to the top for air, but I noticed my regulator was gone, BUT the air was still there, so, I took my breath syraight from the tank. The air actually cut my lips, but I did not come up and my teacher panicked. Just to find that I could take more I guess, being underwater did not cause me to loose my wits.
Now, I need to share one of the influencial thoughts. It is on the nature of love and how through it we can learn to combine the physical and spiritual, but they are not naturally the same thing. I was so proud of this thought and considered it original until this morning I read someone else coming to the same conclusion only they had earned it. It was just given to me.
I realized that I could not claim this thought as my own anyway. I had read it somewhere else and thought nothing of it, like most of my peers in a western civilizations class. The reading assignments were long but so formative, I was so glad that I had read them, and got upset that very few others even read it, it was obvious through their behavior that the ideas had no life in them. I was soooo greatful for them, and my professor and his thick Norwegian accent. You know, I doubt he ever even knew what a profound effect his choice to become a teacher and find and assign the reading to us., but who knows? Maybe he did.
So, I had read a thing someone rambled on about what love was...booooring. heard that before, do not care, but somewhere that "idea seed" took root (or as Berlioz called it a idee fixe).
What is influencing you?
I loved this, by Emily Brönte:
"My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Healthcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being."
